(With apologies to John Baron, who created this guy.)
SOCIAL WING, ETHNIC ENTERPRISES
Box 234, Summerland, BC, V0H 1Z0
(250) 494-3205
What we're all about:
In 1967-68, while I was at the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon, I used to hang around with a bunch of guys who liked to have fun. Good thing to do, most of the time. Some of the guys liked to head for the lakes up North on weekends and other times, and the road to the lakes led through Duck Lake, Sask. One day, as a carload of these people were driving through Duck Lake, one unnamed but well-known individual leaned out the car window and hollered, "Quack quack quack! This is the Big Duck speaking!"
Ever after, when we saw this individual, whether it be in class or on the street or in the bar, we hollered "Quack!" at him. After a while, it got to be fun hollering "Quack!" at each other, too.
Later in the year, a group of us would meet for parties and show movies. There was no such thing as a video in those days, so we would borrow a 16mm projector and a pile of National Film Board movies and go to someone's house and have fun. We even learned how to build an igloo. Of course, at the parties, we would all holler "Quack!" a lot, and this eventually metamorphosed into the Saskatoon Duck Club, which became the Canadian Duck Club. And that's the true story!
Duck Club Rules: None
Duck Club Duties: None
Duck Club Obligations: None
Duck Club Dues: None
Duck Club Rights: None
Duck Club Organization: None
Duck Club Membership List: None
Duck Club Affiliations: None
Duck Club Outhouse: None
It all boils down to this:
If you can say "Quack?!" you're in!
Duck Joke:
If you take some pills and crush them into a powder, mix the powder with a bit of water to make a dough, roll the dough into strips, braid the strips, feed the whole mess to a kitten and the kitten turns into a duck, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?
A plait-pilled ducky-puss.
Duck Curse:
(Phonetically: Nai tebe kachka kopne!)
This is the greatest Ukrainian curse: May you be kicked by a duck!
Another Dumb Duck Joke:
Why don't ducklings lay eggs?
Their quack is too small.
Duck Note:
Ducks cannot fly. They are actually tremendous jumpers.
Nudder Duck Note:
A duck's quack does not echo, and nobody knows why this is so.
Our Color:
Teal.
Our Motto:
Walk softly until you know where the ducks are.
Our Choice for Greatest Product:
Duck Tape. I know, I know - it should be Duct Tape, but I don't care.
A Duck's Breakfast:
A drink of water and a look around.
Our Favorite Hockey Team:
Naturally, The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim.
Our Favorite Hockey Players:
Dallas Drake
Gerald Diduck
Milan Hejduk
Anyone named Bill
Our Favorite Basketball Players:
Chris Webber
Anyone named Bill
Our Favorite Golfers:
Keri Webb
Anyone named Bill
Our Favorite College Team Name
The University of Oregon has a variety of athletic teams, and these names can be found on them:
Football:
Wesly Mallard
Rasuli Webster
Golf:
Chris Dukeminier
Wrestling:
Eric Webb
Shane Webster
Basketball:
Andrea Bills
Our Favorite Football Players:
Andre Bolduc
Farrell Duclair
JT Duckett
Deshone Mallard
Richmond Webb
Larry Webster
Kevin Drake
Gary Downs
Anyone named Bill
Our Favorite Baseball Players:
Ben Weber
Greg Maddux
Paul Byrd
Paul Lo Duca
Anyone named Bill
Our Favorite Play in Sports
When a cricket batsman is out without scoring any runs, he is OUT FOR A DUCK!
Leading World Explorers:
Sir Francis Drake
Our Favorite Airplanes:
The Mallard
The Widgeon
Our Capital City:
Duck Lake, SK
Our Favorite Cities:
Andrew, AB, home of the World's Largest Mallard Duck
Drake, SK
Leduc, AB
Our Favorite Movie Character:
From 'The Land Before Time,' the duck-billed dinosaur named Ducky: "Yep yep yep!"
Pubs and Restaurants:
Quackers Pub, Donald Hotel, St Paul, AB
Duckie Restaurant, Andrew, AB
Nudder Dum Joke:
Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven. When they get there, St Peter says, "We only have one rule here in Heaven: don't step on the ducks."
They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man."
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He is tall, tanned, slim and muscular.
St Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The woman, thinking that this is great, remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity."
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
Why do ducks have flat feet?
From stomping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
From stomping out flaming ducks.
This has nothing to do with ducks.
I just happen to like it.
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't. You get down off a duck.
O, AB, C D ducks?
M R no ducks.
O S M R. C D E D B D I's?
A Duck walks into a store and asks,"Got any duck food?"
The clerk replies,"No, I'm sorry, but this is a book store."
The next day the Duck walks into the same store and asks, "Got any duck food?"
"No, I told you yesterday - this is a book store."
The next day the Duck walks into the same store and asks, "Got any duck food?"
"What's the matter with you? I told you No twice already - if you ask me one more time I'll nail your little flat feet to the floor!"
The third day the Duck walks into the same store and asks,"Got any nails?"
"Nails? Of course not! This is a book store."
"Good. Got any duck food?"
Why is a duck?
Because each foot is both the same.
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and sandwich, please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don"t get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing out this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a drywaller."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens every day for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him. "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey, Mr Duck, I think I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus," says the barman.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right," replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages and performers who live in trailers?" says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman. "You've got it!"
The duck shakes his head in amazement and says, "What the hell would they want with a drywaller?"
Duck Butts
